I tend to write only when I’m healthy and on a roll. Making it a bit unrealistic for all the turd little symptoms I have to put up with. So, here I am. Couch Planted. I made an executive decision to stay home and heal. I put in a call to the doctor to clarify some of the side effects from my new Plaquenil. It has its benefits, but as all medicines you are warned about nausea, headaches, muscle weakness, joint pain, depression, sexual impotence, constipation, diarrhea, the very disease you have times 10, hysteria, schizophrenia, pooping your pants, Tourette’s syndrome, wearing mismatched clothing, kicking babies, channeling Woody Allen, and talking to walls. I woke up something similar to a migraine. I’ve been having vivid nightmares (thankfully, not hypnogogic dreams which I have regretfully experienced with certain muscle relaxers I no longer take). My muscles were moving strangely, joints were swollen, short of breath, frog in throat, and a few other uncomfortable numbers all at once. Mostly my forearms, hips, and calves were in pain, hard to move, and that doesn’t even explain the existential sob fest, which I must say was very peaceable and gratifying, but none the less, not acceptable in a workplace with 50 men … and lil ol me.
I’m in incredibly good spirits. Probably grateful that the universe forced me to take an off day. I’m fighting the urge to go clean something because I actually have time!!! The need to rest is paramount, but its hard to stay still. Especially, when whatever body part that wants to move gets sore from collecting stagnant blood at the site. Regardless, I aim to take it easy somehow. Thank you Netflix and audiobooks.
I have been violently nauseous. Violently in comparison to someone who always is ready to eat, not someone who has been through chemo. I believe I have not been eating and drinking enough water due to the nausea, or the medicine is just making my tummy acidic. I don’t know. I don’t know how it works. Before, the investigative journalist in me would come out and I would scour the earth’s library and internets to find out why and how, but instead I think I’m just gonna plop a DVD of Foster’s and fall asleep while drinking juice.
I have a growing suspicion that while I was drinking nopal, my liver was cleansing out some of the harsh effects of the medicine. My skin was not experience the side effects as strongly. I did not get strange stabbing pains in say, my armpit or behind my ears. I was doing it everyday until the chick at the produce stand stopped selling them prepped, spine-free, and I decided I had poked myself one too many times to keep doing it myself. Also, my fingers get sore really fast with such detailed work. However, I see it is something I will have to endure. Or ask my mommy to do it.
Other possible side effects are sun sensitivity and cold/hot flashes. I felt it they improved when I fist started the meds, but it’s back . It can easily just be recurring Lupus symptoms, or the setting in of generic medicines hating my body.
I’m not sharing this to enhance your day with useless facts you never needed to know about me. (Fact 1: First place I sweat during cardio: my elbow. What? Fact 2: I don’t sweat anymore. I physically don’t sweat, I overheat like a baby.) I’m sharing mostly for those who have taken Plaquenil and have had different experiences. MTV’s Real Life: Lupus and Diet Related Stories. Mostly, I write to share ups and downs and know someone else out there might go through similar problems. It sometimes feels like I’m the only 28 year old with these silly issues. But I know that’s not the case.
Remember the No-No Mission. I feel responsible to tell you I am not holding up my end of the bargain. That’s right. Today at 5, when Cappy’s opens up. I’m surrendering all my faux-vegan claims and shamefully (but ecstatically), eating pizza. I’m going down with my dignity in flames. I will not overdo it, but I certainly plan on not reaching my goal.
Dignity Robbing Justifications:
1) Sick day, I ain’t cooking. Feel fine now, but in 1/2 hour into scrubbing pans, I will curse the day!
2) Cannot take any trips to health food stores. No energy and the sun and heat can make it worse.
3) I’m starving.
4) The nausea is making all foods, except Glowing Green Smoothie and apples, disgusting and my gut needs something to masticate. I’m gonna be hungry this evening.
5) I’m out of gluten-free bread to whip up something quick at home (that won’t make me hurl).
6) I’m going insane dammit.
7) Husband is out of town AND I feel crappy. I earned my pouting.
Like I’ve also mentioned before, I don’t believe in moderation of certain foods. But I also don’t believe I can go a whole lifetime without it. Apparently, not even 30 days.
Either way, I’m a pinwheel turn away from morphing into psycho-midget…so I’m gonna pacify myself with some good ol American indulgent food. And I’ll feel better. Then I may or may not feel worse (sometimes my body actually appreciates that I ate something hearty..justification). But I’ll quiet the battle of whether I will or won’t.
Or I may just have an avocado and beans bowl and not screw this up! The world will never know.
If you’re still reading, you either a studying the psychology of hungry women… or you’re a Super Trooper.