- This post will constitute the greatness that is Walmart fun. It is what happens when you’re not in a rush, don’t want to bring WMD with you, and don’t focus on the ungodly alienesque (redudant) characters that roam the stores frightening the cohabitation of the average citizen, making us ponder the unanswered question…why are we here?
- Times are tough. The economy is bringing people together at Walmart. For the most part, you can spot a person who doesn’t belong in there and you identify their economical and life status. Nicely groomed man: Wife left him, took everything. A well dressed career woman pushes around a cart, puzzled and flustered: Husband is in debt. High-end snob model: she’s lost or is too blonde to know she’s making all the rednecks drop their canned goods on their crusty toes.
- It will expound upon some tips on nutritional food, insights, Walmart sight-seeing, money saving tactics and tid-bits I’ve picked up along the way.
- It will be laid out in bullet point format for the mom-in-a-hurry, the business woman, or those with Internet ADHD Syndrome (the ones who click on all external links, and find themselves reading about Tanzania’s President by the time their done), or people like me: the coherently fractured mind (paradoxical).
- Money saving tips – Produce: buy at corner vegetable and fruit stands. No bagging, no stock boy, no corn wax. For Asian, Jamaican, Latin, and world recipes..find a local ethnic store. Everything will be ridiculously cheaper there.
- Corn Masa
- Rice and Beans
- Herbs and Spices
- Coconut Milk
- Weird plants
- Oxtail Seasoning.. Wait. What? (Emphasis on the WH)
There is no doubt why some whities think the spanish are a bit from the another world.
No croutons. I’ve got just the thing!
Truth is, in the Spanish section, I found pumpkin seeds perfect for snacks and granola, which I paid a Starbuck’s coffee’s worth more for it at a natural health food store (even though I’m not supposed to drink coffee). Anyway, these are not highly processed. Get your anti-inflammatory curry powder here! It’s not just for people with disease: people with allergies, people who work out. Get your banana leaves here…haha..
- Funny… that the Wal-Mart I patronized did not list it as the Ethnic Foods Isle. They labeled it Latin Foods.
The other cultures look tame next to these guys.
- Not funny… that ironically I had become the Wal-Mart weirdo because I was taking pictures of cow tongues in jars. I’m not kidding. Even the spics were looking at me like I spit on the Virgin Mary. Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t mean spic as derogatory, because I am one. Kind of like how only a certain group can use the “n” word amongst themselves. Just jokes my friends, just jokes. Send hate mail or counsel to :firstname.lastname@example.org
- You must still read the labels. Just because some countries are poor does not mean their corporations are beyond adding a lot of cheap foreign material to it. I mean, look at our broke America. They put silicone in my food! Some Oriental and Spanish food shamelessly add Mono Sodium Glutamate to their food. Almost anything that ends in -mine does not belong in your plate. My Cholas: please look carefully if you buy ADOBO seasoning. The spanish version contains MSG. The randomly enlightened North American version does not. Some just sell MSG for a good brain rush.
- A special side note: The picture quality is to blame on my chronologically irrelevant phone in this rapidly evolving tech timeline we live in. As a matter of fact, while I took the above picture, I lost the R key plate (that also doubles as the number 3 button). No longer can I text you that, “I’m angry, Grrrr!”. No, I’m just G. Matching iPhones are in the works for Husband and me, but I fear divorce in the near future if we upgrade to such man-grabbing smartphones. I would have to make an ElenAPP to get his attention.
- Some popular organic brands are available in your Wal-Mart. If you scan the rows long enough will magically appear in the back, hiding behind the pickles and the Twinkies.
- Please do yourself a favor and buy Gluten Free, Organic, and Environmentally Friendly Peanut Butter Panda Puffs! They carry it at many Wal-Mart! (Not in hick town though). You don’t have to have Celiac’s Disease to want to stuff these down your pants. Try with vanilla soymilk. If you just don’t care, get Reese’s Peanut Butter cereal cause they are good, said the girl with the hives.
- Here’s some common sense for all housewifes and home keepers, not rookies like me. Pragmatically speaking, not nutritionally, do buy the large strawberries so you don’t have to keep going back. Don’t stock up on bulk broccoli just because you need to eat better. Eating healthy food happens in baby steps for us Oreo-is-a-food-group eaters. It is better you overdose on strawberries than spend your monies on a ton of greens that are just gonna get up on their stalks and walk away.
- If you want your kids, I mean er, Husband to eat better…you’re gonnaa have to do some prep work. Chop them fruits up pretty, try to put them in a prettier bowl that the tupperware below, and pin some fiery sparklers on top of them. Handing them an apple is just laughable. Slice it, dice it, eat a piece, garnish them and serve. Arrange their cauliflower into little trees and take off the crust every once in a while on the sprouted whole grain bread. Tell them there is sugar added in the berries.
- This is what a fruit massacre looks like. “It was a run-by fruiting!” Bet you don’t know what I’m quoting? Husband and I bonded on that quote long ago! A million points if you know it:
- I know this is obvious, but buy seasonally! Try the things you were always afraid to try and do it while they’re dirt cheap. Tis the season for papaya, kiwi, and watermelons. I know this because it was on display, not because I subscribe to Southern Living. In the days of yore (not sure when yore is), people would eat what was available in the area and nearby trade. They didn’t have mass exports of kiwi in the dead of winter. It makes sense that tropical people eat mangoes in the Caribbean to cool off, not in New England. This is TRUE organic eating. However, since we’re a spoiled peoples, let’s have our papaya and eat it too. It makes your skin glow by the next day, great anti-inflammatory, protein breaker-upper, and you’ll poop like a duck. Eat. Boom! Poop.
Yes guessed it! You must scoop out the seeds, possibly peel the skin, and dismember it into cubes to remove any semblance that it was once a papaya if you wants your family to go near it. They don’t do fruit roll-ups with this many vitamins and fiber.
- And if you don’t have that much fun in Wal-Mart after looking for little treasures and tricks, then stop by Sweetbay’s Ethnic section. guaranteed fun. I spy with my eye:
In the English section. Love how it says sponge pudding.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go slurp on some cactus mucus….Bye.