New posts have been scant, I know. Stress levels had spilled over the brim and inflammation levels had reached my brain. Until yesterday.
I said I wouldn’t write about work on this blog… but I’ve been canned, so that dark little hole is unplugged and I can tell you all the horror stories and gripe until my face turns blue and my fingertips bleed. But I won’t.
Bosslady came down from New Orleans to let me go. I did not see this coming. Budget cuts, not enough work, blah, blah, blah. Until I have evidence to the contrary, I will assume they were implying, “bye bye sick lady” (that’s my cynical side talking). However, for a change, Bosslady seemed genuinely distraught about having to let me, and a few others go. She rolled in without barely looking at my face until the moment she called me in to “talk” to me. Even then I didn’t see it coming, but I sent a quick prayer for peace to control myself from spewing out obscenities about the hell I’m in. I walked in in peace, and came out of there with even more peace.
I have bitched and moaned enough about that place. At this point, venting about it is just piss in the wind. Enough emotional energy has been wasted there. Enough neck veins have gorged themselves stiff. More than all the collective sighs and under-breath mutterings have been emitted. Now, I’m free and absolved of being a quitter. Because I’m not a quitter. I should have been, the moment I realized that place started to take an emotional, therefore, a physical toll on my displaced chi. But I waited it out like the good girl I’ve forced myself to become.
I drove home, Husband waiting for me with a shot of tequila, he with a Damiana drink *(that we still have leftover from out honeymoon. Yes, we went through customs with about eight bottles from Cabo with us). I tell you… it was like I took a bottle of Xanax. I was laughing, cracking jokes, and carelessly having a conversation, at our living room, with my favorite person. Something that hasn’t happened as much as it should in the last few weeks.
You know how when you go to the doctor with a million complaints and they just tell you you need to reduce your stress, right before your adrenalines spikes from resisting the urge to punch him in the nads for such a daft answer? Well, he was right. Let go of that frickin job that makes you miserable. Obviously, we’re not all in the position to lose our salary and benefits. Hell, I wasn’t. But isn’t like Americans to wait until you have a heart attack to stop eating hamburgers? How long would I have stayed in that personal Hades until I spontaneously burst into flames?
What happens now? I’m not sure. All I know is that this morning I actually got to partake in faith-based works on a Tuesday morning and I’m more a human than I’ve been in a while. I just finished filing for unemployment. My house will be spotless now that I have time to tend to it. By the end of the week, a job hunt will ensue, after vegetating for a few days. That in itself is reason for another aphrodisiac drink (see Damiana link above). Being without health insurance, as near-futile as it is, is essential for Husband and I. But this is a brand new slate, and now I might have the ability to be more picky about where my next job will be. Maybe not. Maybe I’ll just fall into another slaving demise in order to survive our increasingly stupider economy. I’m not sure how we’ll afford my elaborate holistic health treatment and the thousand of supplements I need just to function, but strangely, I’m not worried about it. These things always work themselves out if you don’t get lazy about it.
Meanwhile, I’m so grateful that I was kicked out. I’m looking forward to the upside of not being in the negative and drowning environment that killed my spirits everyday. I finally have the opportunity to think, I mean, really think, about my next move in regards to a job that doesn’t dual with my physical and mental health.
My only regret is turning in the office key so quickly. I would’ve come in the dark, before business hours the next day, and peed on the Swede’s fabric chair as my final building exeunt, with a note behind that read: “We can hear everything you do the bathroom.”
Enough about personal problems! If your stress levels are coming out of your ears, here is what was helping me decompress before the big news: Ginseng Complex! and Super Energy Up! from The Vitamin Shoppe.
If you have Lupus, or any of the inflammation based diseases, stress is an enemy of extreme. The amount of backlash from tension and tiredness will start to decompose you before you expire. Two weeks ago I started taking this and I was suddenly able to think without short-circuiting, crying, taking nap after nap, other bodily functions if you know what I’m saying, relax, etc. Hair loss that comes with many autoimmune diseases is at a halt, which is more important than walking to me, but I’m even able to walk longer periods of time right now. I recommend it to anyone who feels they’re about to go postal.
So, if you can’t bring yourself to tell your boss what you really think about him and get yourself fired, read up on B-12 and chinese herbs. Little tid-bit: Americans market Ginseng as an energy booster. Chinese apply Ginseng to achieve calmness. Center your chi people!