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The dog days are here (for Florida). It’s March Madness. I turned 28 this. I hesitantly signed up for the gym (since you know I have wonderful health). I returned a Blockbuster to movie Redbox. Husband has been out of town way too much. Oxford put LOL and OMG in the dictionary. This week skipped a day. Well, it didn’t really but I took work off Wednesday, convinced it was Thursday, missed my meeting, and now have an extra day of work, or so it feels like it.

Mercury must be in retrograde or the vernal moon threw everything off.  There’s a poor sense of flowing continuity. More like random scattered events and chores are taken care of during pocketed moments of lucidity and then I’m sucked back into a timespace jumble box where the days and minutes jump around. Also, I may be reading too much on parallel world physics.

Not feeling so hot lately, except for the literal heat beating down from the sun onto my sensitive skin or immune system. In the last few years, when I would spend a day at the beach, the rest of the week I would have some kind of feverish symptoms and be depleted. I always thought it was the beer/hydration but oh, how I’m learning new things. Now I’m getting the full blown detriment of what the sun does to people with lupus (which is still very confusing to me). There is something about heat, that to some, releases histamine wildly into the body. I either break down in hives or ‘exercise’ hives (urticaria), shut down completely, feel flushed, or swell up all over.  This is just another explanation for the abovementioned hesitance for signing up to a gym.  I overheat and then got little red bumps everywhere, thankfully its usually beneath the clothes, nothing obvious; but when I take a hot shower I look like a sci-fi creature.

Anyway, things should get better when I get my car back since I’m driving a car with no AC right now; or, when winter comes around again.  I’m not sure how the sensitivity to the sun works since everyone with Lupus reacts differently.  But for now my health, therefore sanity, is on a crazier roller coaster than Lindsey Lohan’s sobriety.

So that little intro segues to the following comedic relief that I found floating around the net.  The absurdity of life.

Here’s to hoping I get better soon so I can blog about something coherent, useful, and worthwhile without having to drop celebrity names to get more hits on the web:

10. Life is sexually transmitted.

9. Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

6. Some people are like a slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing. 

4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

2. In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

1. We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

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