Tag Archives: detox

I Dairy Your Not To Eat This Pizza. (Or Make Bad Puns)

Cheese. Holy Cheese. Cheese and Rice. I want it.

My uterus just skipped a beat.

I certainly don’t need the added hormones, natural occurring and lab enhanced opiods, indigestible lactase, and cancer inciting casein.  But oh how I violently crave the gooey mess and sodium that no plant on earth can provide.  When I die, I hope it’s choking on an endless pizza cheese strand.

See, on the Beauty Detox diet and many similar reads, they warn against detoxing too fast.  Eliminating too many foods at once can starve the body and upset the natural order of addictions that had created part of our diseased homeostasis.  Add  one too many large green smoothies, no artificial sugars, no dairy, no gluten, no caffeine, no chemicals…although healthy, is too much for the body to handle at once and toxins can begin to recirculate in the system, not being eliminated fast enough.

Since I got my new toy, the omnipotent Blendtec,  I’ve been blending everything, not just my greens.  I had about a week of liquids.  Sticking to veganism is also easier since you can make anything creamy on my nifty high speed blender.  Oh, that double edged demon!

The result: the last week I’ve been a terrible little monster.  Mornings are headachy, dizzy, nauseous, I feel odd, feverish, twitchy, hot flashes, straight up menopausal, and I want to go around flicking people on the forehead and giving them wedgies.  Some people even get rashes, acne breakouts, minor infections, can’t poop, throw up, or become pyromaniacs.  This is somewhat of a good sign; it means it’s working, but it can be very intolerable.  On top of that I sometimes takes fungal detox pills (to help with lupus symptoms) and that starves the candida we all contain in our system, which feeds sugars.  I angered the beast by depriving it and it also releases toxins or some story like that.  I have not given my body time to adapt to the new detox principles.  I was mean to myself.

And then Kimberly Detox girl posts on her blog, The 25 Unhealthiest Junk Foods you should never eat. I have no problem with her logic. I believe what she says is true.  Some people believe in moderation.  I don’t.  If its bad, its bad for you no matter how clever your justifications are (which I’m a master of).  If I eat a cupcake, I chalk it down to human folly and weakness, not to “you deserve that treat”.  We don’t deserve DNA wrecking food agents. What I have a problem with is that she posts the most scrumptious pictures of foods that you’ve worked so hard to erase from your mind…and then tells you to go wash down a green smoothie and chew on fermented cabbage! Is she psychotic??? I’ve been muting commercials to forget pizza exists and reading nutrition labels to reason that a french fries should not have 14 ingredients.  Bypassing coupons and missing sales to shield my eyes from clips of burritos.  Seriously considering self-flagellation to mimick the suffering of giving up silky, creamy cheese.  What she does is barbaric! Tell it for what it is, sister.  Plants are nutritious and fuel our bodies, but don’t tell me a chemical laced cheesecake can stand up to kale kabobs….  I’m sorry Kimster.  So sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  I truly and honestly love eating clean and natural.  I’m just going to curl up in my big mac and cry, I mean big bed.

Well, I’ve slowed down on the liquids, adding more solids, especially the complex carbs.  I will sparingly add tiny pieces of meats every few days, once a day (believe it or not, with my weak stomach muscles, I feel it appreciates something to masticate, no matter how much I dislike the idea of eating flesh postmortem ).  I will include a bit of fructose until I’m ready to increase to a new level of health.  Otherwise, I may as well make a date with the judge, because I will go on a machine gun massacre in a playground.

Cheese stops you up! Greens make you goooo!

Spouting off has therapeutically talked me back down to terms with my decision to avoid dairy.  I just don’t do well with that junk.  My skin, my intestines, my energy levels, my unstable alter ego. I’m balancing the crazy by drinking some organic green tea which will appease my flare of ornery toxins, but prevent me from going down the mozzarella spiral.  It’s natural caffeine is a minor evil compared to going to town on cheese sticks, cheese fries, cheese cubes, cheese rounds, cheese soup.  You can’t fix the whole barn in one day. (Whoa. I am not sure where that farm comment came from).

Let me tell you the safe eats I made to prevent a melt down. (Ooh..cheese melt). It was so surprisingly good, it’s illegal.  Instant gratification, without deviating too far from clean foods).

Gluten Free and Vegan One Minute Chocolate Cake

What the what? Oh yes, it’s true. And I was shocked how well it worked. Tastes amazing with just the right amount of indulgence.  And since it’s one serving, you can’t accidentally overeat or take the rest of the huge store-bought devilish cake out of the garbage and pick out the untouched parts.  (I’ve never done that…..)

As I said, it doesn’t count as a cookie.  Though I’ve already admitted to you that I’m a master of justification, there is a reason that my No-No Mission (No Cookies, No Pizza) doesn’t involve all categories of sweets.  You’d have to ask my alter ego why (The Little Fat Girl inside of me). And she’s to hungry to talk right now.  But mostly, it’s because that pair are my gateway drugs.  Eating gluten free cake or a vegan milkshake will satisfy a craving. Period. Dunzo. The No-No’s will trigger an emotional history-soaked schizophrenia freak show of gluttony.  Pizza and cookies has been people all over the world to their demise!

I swear the government is involved and banking off of our addictions in plain sight! Just say no-no!

Aaaanyway, on to the recipe.

  • 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp cocoa powder
  • 3 tablespoons spelt flour (or white, or even coconut or peanut flour) (I used brown rice flour)
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp sugar (I used coconut sugar. Total of 8gms of sugars. 7 begins to affect the glycemic index and I drank some nopal blend before to control the spike)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1 stevia packet (or 1 more tablespoon sugar)
  • 1 tablespoon coconut oil or vegetable oil
  • 3 tablespoons milk of choice (I used almond milk)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
Directions:
Combine dry ingredients and mix very, very well. Add liquid, stir, then transfer to a little dish, ramekin, or even a coffee mug. Microwave 30-40 seconds. If you don’t want to eat it straight out of the dish, be sure to spray your dish first (and then wait for it to cool before trying to remove it).

For frosting I didn’t use her recipe.  Click Chocolate Covered Katie’s link if you want it. It was the same coconut butter base though.

I used coconut butter, stevia, and soaked cashews. Okay okay, I added some agave. Sue me and take me for all I’m worth. My defense attorney will go to show this only increases the number of cacti varieties I ate in one sitting and since when is eating cactus bad for you?

Coconut Cashew Frosting

  • 15 oz of Coconut Butter
  • 1/3 cup Full Fat Canned Coconut Milk – 14 oz
  • Coconut Milk (carton)
  • (Approx 1 Cup of Raw Cashews (soaked and rinsed well to remove toxins) (Kimberly disapproves of cashews)
  • Liquid Stevia
  • Agave (Optional)

Directions:

Blend in a high speed blender.  Feel it out to taste.  Simplistic directions.  I’m no kitchen expert.  

Yields:

About 20 oz. Enough for a regular cake.  Reduce portions for this tiny adorable cake and have some extra frosting dipped in strawberries.

Now excuse me, I’m going to go slurp on my green junk cause I’m actually craving some right about now…

Where is my sippy cup?

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Filed under Foodsies, Housewifing, Indulgence, Loopy Lupus, Picture of Health

Goodbye, Sally Cellulite!

Here’s the post I’ve been promising about Sally Cellulite.  I’ve got to stop promising posts.  Short attention span.  Anyway, Cellulite: A woman’s nemesis.  This is a living testament how to get them legs and boo-tay from old lady hams to yoga sticks.

The reverse happened with me.  I got rid of them, and only then did I research how the heck I unintentionally came to love my legs.  I did not see this coming.  Actually, it was a frustrating point even at the height of my fitness days.  I would run 6 miles and kill it with the lunges.  I had rock hard quads, sculpted hams and firm thighs, but still puzzling was why after getting rid of so much fat in that are I still has cellulite with a personality of its own, not severe, but enough to NOT justify all the blood and sweat.  I wasn’t so much embarrassed by it as annoyed.  Even though I was constantly improving my body through exercise, I had already embraced all the flaws and the part of ourselves women always find to loathe and criticize.  What really put my panties in a bunch was that all the work I did, and no success in that area.  (Years later, the light bulb will turn on about how burning calories and eating a large extra cheese pizza with coke every week is very counterproductive in other no-duh areas.)

So, as I’ve mentioned, while reading about Nopal and after taking it for less than a week I came across articles that explained how a liver not properly cleaning toxins contributed to cellulite.  I stopped in my tracks, marched to the bathroom and yanked down my pants.  Like butter, baby!  Another part of the recent chronicles is how I’m fully committed to a thorough detox, via bio-energetic screening. Although I’m trying to halt an annoying disease in its tracks, a significant role for quality of life is to find the root of the disease and reverse the damage that has been done.  Yes, we have the divine ability to clear out disease.  Just because we don’t know how to always do it, doesn’t mean it’s not out there.  Cellulite is the effect, so what is the root?

I started putting it all together and here are the things I’ve been doing in the last three months that whipped my legs into shorts-worthy condition?

1) LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE SUPPLEMENT – In the detox, I’m taking a specific tonic  called Drainage.  The following article clearly denotes that a poor lymphatic drainage, along with bad circulation, can trap the toxins: http://www.cellulite-exercises.com/Cellulite-and-Bad-Diet-Toxins.php

2) NATURAL LYMPHATIC STIMULATION – I haven’t been sweating my tush off at the gym, but I do workouts that specifically stimulate the lymphatic system, circulation, and stretch the connective fibers from all major points : See Lovely Lady Lumps for Classical Stretch. Note: I don’t even do it every day as a healthier person is capable of. (For those who rot in an office chair all week (me!), or sleep in a bed from Hades (also me), your circulation needs a hand.  Exercise and/or massage.

3) DIET – While I’m knee-deep in detoxification I have been forced -gratefully- into an extremely clean and natural diet.  So, while getting rid of the old toxins and not reintroducing new ones, all the yucky muck has been gradually scrubbing it out and not accumulating new junk.  It’s not completely 100% avoidable, but let’s say 90% of my habits have been house-flipped.

What toxin exposure I’ve removed:

  • over the counter and pharmaceutical medications (used extremely sparingly)
  • processed foods, i.e. refined breads and sugars, preservatives
  • artificial additives (including sweeteners like Splenda and Truvia…It contains a form of ethanol…I know!),
  • color dyes
  • most cosmetics and toiletries with strange and unpronounceable names
  • chemical cleaning products
  • unclean waters via kitchen faucet and shower filters
  • drinks: alcohol, coffee, and caffeine

Basically, it’s really hard to get so clean overnight unless you’ve had it with thunder thighs (which like I said, I had come to embrace), or are becoming aware of unknown dangers in recent times, or like me, have absolutely no choice.  It takes dedication, patience, and sometimes, a bit of el cash-o.  It’s better to go gradual if you know you’ll just hang it up in 2 weeks, especially if you got a million things going on.

POST EDIT: I DON’T RECKON YOU WOULD HAVE TO REMOVE EVERY SINGLE TOXIN FROM YOUR LIFE.   BUT I’M GUESSING THE OBVIOUS ONES WOULD HELP REDUCE THE PROBLEM, SUCH AS DRINKING COFFEE EVERYTHING AND EATING A CLEANER DIET.  YOU MAY NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO TOSS EVERYTHING YOU OWN.  IF YOU ARE A RELATIVELY HEALTHY PERSON, A FEW CHANGES MIGHT BE ENOUGH.  THESE ARE JUST CHANGES I MADE; DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE OR WHICH COMBINATION DID THE TRICK.

Additional helping habits undertaken: Drinking close to a gallon of water a day to flush more crap.  Eating vegetables that helps clean toxins.

4) LIVER: The detox, and now the Nopal, are helping me clean out the liver.  Whatever traces are left (and there is some, especially on the right leg which incidentally, the right side of my body has always been extremely stubborn..coincidence?), I’ll be making sure the liver is working at its maximum to cure the inevitable inhaled or ingested toxins that now have hope of being destroyed or detained.

5) HORMONES: the last token I found in my research of how I an serendipitously controlling cellulite.  This one is a hard one for all women living in a toxic world.  Even our facial moisturizer can have chemicals that mimic estrogen and unwittingly create imbalance in us.  The only reason I’m hormonally balanced (or at least closer than I used to be), is mostly discovering what foods and medications were throwing off my adrenal glands (where stress and hormones are managed), and a hormone spray from the holistic medication in the balancing detox protocol.  It doesn’t mean I’m not prone to some mood swings and crying, but let’s just say I don’t throw things at the wall as often.  Thoughts, actions, and mildness are usually stable.

Wrapping-It-Up: It seems the only hereditary thing about cottage cheese is that our mommas’ livers also did not have an optimum metabolism and lymphatic system, not that they doom us to central and localized toxic fats for all of eternity.  It does not mean a lack of health overall, it just means some tweaking could be implemented in our lifestyles.  If we take to listening to our bodies,  it’s basically telling us less french fries and more green beans.  Now that we know where the culprit lies, we can start trying to fix it.  Even thin girls can have dimply legs; and it’s probably the one who can eat burgers and don’t gain a pound.

Those are the secret nuggets I claim to have universal privy to.  But I don’t.  It seems really easy for five simple steps to fix a life-long problem.  My theory is just that it’s not common knowledge and not a lot of people in certain clusters are on the clean diet bandwagon.  It’s pickin up speed I tell you.  Note: for more severe cases, it might not be so easily reversible, according to links included in the post.

Disclaimer:  This is not professional advice and does not intend to impose a change of lifestyle or imply that those who are not following a clean diet are unhealthy.  This is a reach out to those who are looking for theories, methods, and ideas, to try and improve a specific aspect of  their current habits or health regimen.  My intention is to be humbly share my experience, not to be all high-and-mighty because I eat brown rice and organic cereal.   I’m just a schmuck trying to feel better.

Some articles for your enlightenment:

Cellulite and the Connection to The Liver and Lymph System « Essential Oils… more than basic Aromatherapy.

Reduce Cellulite by Reducing Toxins (Oh yes, Celery is mentioned)

Lumps made of fat and toxins (A lovely testament that women have it rougher than men.)

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Filed under Indulgence, Picture of Health

Detox is back on!!! Natural Health : Bio-Energetic Screening

A large number of people (okay, just one or two) have looked at me like I’m crazy for not following the unquestioning medicinal prognosis the Rheumatologist suggested when they told me I fit the criteria for that autoimmune condition with the yucky name.  From now on, we’re going to call it the Wolf Disease.  Much more rad.  Plaquenil  its called, an anti-malarial pill.  It was a 15-minute rushed visit where the Lab Coat handed me a pamphlet and sent me on my merry way. I can give you a mind-staggering list of medicines I’ve taken for vague diagnoses and all the side-effects they each had on me because I’ve been misdiagnosed so many times along the way; a common frustration of an autoimmune sufferer.  You get tossed around from doctor to doctor and slapped with a crazy hypochondriac label on your forehead.  Discounting the initial denial stage that I went through for a few days, this time it’s on paper. Positive blood work. So why not take the pill?

Medicines made/makes me sick. Simple as that.  They start off with organic compounds that are synthetically altered.  They are chemical and foreign.  Allergens and toxins from everywhere accumulated in my lymph nodes over the years to the point where my system no longer filters them out properly.  They hang around my blood; the blood used to oxygenate muscle movement, to supplement bones, to nourish the brain.  Modern medicine’s hard-on to jump the opportunity to medicate me without properly executing my personal history (I’ve been literally cut off mid-sentence in almost every visit) made me sick. I trusted that doctors knew what they were doing since I was sixteen.  None of them would ask me to check for food allergies. Just fill the script. I didn’t learn about kickbacks until I was twenty-something.  I didn’t know how thoroughly capable the body at healing itself, or how humble herbs and tonics can stimulate the original code in your DNA to reactivate a natural process. Schools don’t teach this in nutrition class. I’m not saying that everyone should distrust their doctors and that everything they do is wrong. That would be ludicrous. But I do believe natural therapy is worth looking into when pills are poorly sustaining you, side effects are slowly killing you worse than the original complaint, or you are just in-tuned with nature more.

Enter Dr. Clark, by introduction of a beautiful friend I recently acquired (shout to my peep). I knew I wanted the alternative approach, but by some form of cosmic collision I bumped into this lovely person and eliminated a huge chunk of hit-or-miss experiments.  This is successful medicine and it has helped many, including my friend, her family, and the doctor herself. It’s called bio-energetic screening. If you’re someone who is often off balance, does not heal quickly, constant systematic issues, i.e. headaches, gastro issues, asthma, allergies, take too many medicines, mood/hormonal swings, too much acid in the diet, brain fog, this might interest you.  Basically a lot of symptoms that are not enough to pinpoint there’s something specifically wrong.  Or if you do have specific problems that doctors tell you “you just have to learn to live with it”, there is a way to come back to center.

I don’t think I could better explain how this works:

http://bhawc.com/page.php?6

(The link to Dr. Dana Clark’s Better Health and Wellness Center will always be on the blogroll to the right.)

Following the assessment, there will likely be a detox to follow once finding the troubled areas that are “the root” of a disease or potential disease. For example, my wolf disease was born in a maelstrom of food allergies, candida, and antibiotic abuse.  I didn’t simply jump from healthy to sick.

This detox is a lymphatic drainage (Eastern Medicine understands the importance of the Lymphatic system very much ignored by Western Medicine, unless something goes wrong), away to stimulate the lymph nodes to start cleaning out all the accumulated toxins and chemicals that your immune system could potentially start to attack. If something foreign enters your body (let’s say it gets stuck in your LNs), your autoimmune system will attack it;  a magnificent defense mechanism of nature.  If that foreign substance lingers too long, the body’s autoimmune can start thinking it’s just part of you after all, but instead of ceasing the attack,  it might as well attack healthy tissue because it can no longer tell what’s yours and what’s not.  Unspecified problems in the lymph node areas, like the joint or their surroundings will begin. It will be found that many of the pain sites for people with fibromyalgia, wolf disease, certain types of arthritis, etc., will be relative to the lymph node location. This is the dummies version of how autoimmune works.

There are different ways to clean out your system which include diet, exercise, detoxes, and many other methods I may not be familiar with.  It’s about assessing at what point of imbalance you are in and how much preventative or restorative health means to you.  Personally, to restore my healing ability and getting back my energy means more than time, money, a social life, or home projects. It can be an expensive treatment if you’re at my level and worth every penny spent nourishing your body instead of poisoning it with Big Pharma’s newest and hottest pill.  I spent much of my year-end bonus to do this and would sell my preserved liver too if I had to.  Living your life with headaches, being too weak to do groceries, getting worn out from when you get ready to go out from head to toe  is okay once in a while.  If it’s happening too often, it’s time to take care of yourself somehow. By any means.

If you ever do get curious and/or desperate, please call the Better Health and Wellness Center.  Ask for Dr. Dana and find out how you can fix your whacked out chi.  Tell her Elena Shadle sent you.  She works out of Melbourne, Tarpon Springs, and Clearwater.

Detox can be tough and it gets worse before it gets better. I’m gonna get exhausted and more tired than I currently already am.  I’m not one of these put together superhero bloggers that has a 3-ring binder with colored tabs and shows beautiful pictures of rice sprinkling into a pot like magical fairy dust in real-time photography.   It’s going to be raw and simple; idiot-proof. I just share what I know from years of compiling health recipe books and learning to eat clean.  I also will share simple tips on reducing the potential for added crap in your food without slaving over fancy meals.  If you’re working full-time and only get to grocery shop during high peak hours or have tired knuckles and knees and have to simplify dinner while cooking wholesome, I know enough to get someone started.  For those of you who already know, great!  But like my “about me” says, I’ve had to start many things from scratch and want to expand my knowledge on the new lifestyle.  And this here link will be my reference and it will be available to you too.

If anyone has recipes to share, by all means, email me and if they’re yummy we’ll feature them.

UPDATE

I had begun the detox before the blog and had to stop in its tracks when the other problem, and this one, occured. I no longer have to get the “procedure” done to help the doctor make payments on his Benz.  I’m going back on the detox now and into the second phase.  Say prayers for me if you like me.  And if you don’t get off my blog.

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Filed under Housewifing, Loopy Lupus, Picture of Health, Post A Week, Uncategorized