Tag Archives: Glowing Green Smoothie

I Dairy Your Not To Eat This Pizza. (Or Make Bad Puns)

Cheese. Holy Cheese. Cheese and Rice. I want it.

My uterus just skipped a beat.

I certainly don’t need the added hormones, natural occurring and lab enhanced opiods, indigestible lactase, and cancer inciting casein.  But oh how I violently crave the gooey mess and sodium that no plant on earth can provide.  When I die, I hope it’s choking on an endless pizza cheese strand.

See, on the Beauty Detox diet and many similar reads, they warn against detoxing too fast.  Eliminating too many foods at once can starve the body and upset the natural order of addictions that had created part of our diseased homeostasis.  Add  one too many large green smoothies, no artificial sugars, no dairy, no gluten, no caffeine, no chemicals…although healthy, is too much for the body to handle at once and toxins can begin to recirculate in the system, not being eliminated fast enough.

Since I got my new toy, the omnipotent Blendtec,  I’ve been blending everything, not just my greens.  I had about a week of liquids.  Sticking to veganism is also easier since you can make anything creamy on my nifty high speed blender.  Oh, that double edged demon!

The result: the last week I’ve been a terrible little monster.  Mornings are headachy, dizzy, nauseous, I feel odd, feverish, twitchy, hot flashes, straight up menopausal, and I want to go around flicking people on the forehead and giving them wedgies.  Some people even get rashes, acne breakouts, minor infections, can’t poop, throw up, or become pyromaniacs.  This is somewhat of a good sign; it means it’s working, but it can be very intolerable.  On top of that I sometimes takes fungal detox pills (to help with lupus symptoms) and that starves the candida we all contain in our system, which feeds sugars.  I angered the beast by depriving it and it also releases toxins or some story like that.  I have not given my body time to adapt to the new detox principles.  I was mean to myself.

And then Kimberly Detox girl posts on her blog, The 25 Unhealthiest Junk Foods you should never eat. I have no problem with her logic. I believe what she says is true.  Some people believe in moderation.  I don’t.  If its bad, its bad for you no matter how clever your justifications are (which I’m a master of).  If I eat a cupcake, I chalk it down to human folly and weakness, not to “you deserve that treat”.  We don’t deserve DNA wrecking food agents. What I have a problem with is that she posts the most scrumptious pictures of foods that you’ve worked so hard to erase from your mind…and then tells you to go wash down a green smoothie and chew on fermented cabbage! Is she psychotic??? I’ve been muting commercials to forget pizza exists and reading nutrition labels to reason that a french fries should not have 14 ingredients.  Bypassing coupons and missing sales to shield my eyes from clips of burritos.  Seriously considering self-flagellation to mimick the suffering of giving up silky, creamy cheese.  What she does is barbaric! Tell it for what it is, sister.  Plants are nutritious and fuel our bodies, but don’t tell me a chemical laced cheesecake can stand up to kale kabobs….  I’m sorry Kimster.  So sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  I truly and honestly love eating clean and natural.  I’m just going to curl up in my big mac and cry, I mean big bed.

Well, I’ve slowed down on the liquids, adding more solids, especially the complex carbs.  I will sparingly add tiny pieces of meats every few days, once a day (believe it or not, with my weak stomach muscles, I feel it appreciates something to masticate, no matter how much I dislike the idea of eating flesh postmortem ).  I will include a bit of fructose until I’m ready to increase to a new level of health.  Otherwise, I may as well make a date with the judge, because I will go on a machine gun massacre in a playground.

Cheese stops you up! Greens make you goooo!

Spouting off has therapeutically talked me back down to terms with my decision to avoid dairy.  I just don’t do well with that junk.  My skin, my intestines, my energy levels, my unstable alter ego. I’m balancing the crazy by drinking some organic green tea which will appease my flare of ornery toxins, but prevent me from going down the mozzarella spiral.  It’s natural caffeine is a minor evil compared to going to town on cheese sticks, cheese fries, cheese cubes, cheese rounds, cheese soup.  You can’t fix the whole barn in one day. (Whoa. I am not sure where that farm comment came from).

Let me tell you the safe eats I made to prevent a melt down. (Ooh..cheese melt). It was so surprisingly good, it’s illegal.  Instant gratification, without deviating too far from clean foods).

Gluten Free and Vegan One Minute Chocolate Cake

What the what? Oh yes, it’s true. And I was shocked how well it worked. Tastes amazing with just the right amount of indulgence.  And since it’s one serving, you can’t accidentally overeat or take the rest of the huge store-bought devilish cake out of the garbage and pick out the untouched parts.  (I’ve never done that…..)

As I said, it doesn’t count as a cookie.  Though I’ve already admitted to you that I’m a master of justification, there is a reason that my No-No Mission (No Cookies, No Pizza) doesn’t involve all categories of sweets.  You’d have to ask my alter ego why (The Little Fat Girl inside of me). And she’s to hungry to talk right now.  But mostly, it’s because that pair are my gateway drugs.  Eating gluten free cake or a vegan milkshake will satisfy a craving. Period. Dunzo. The No-No’s will trigger an emotional history-soaked schizophrenia freak show of gluttony.  Pizza and cookies has been people all over the world to their demise!

I swear the government is involved and banking off of our addictions in plain sight! Just say no-no!

Aaaanyway, on to the recipe.

  • 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp cocoa powder
  • 3 tablespoons spelt flour (or white, or even coconut or peanut flour) (I used brown rice flour)
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp sugar (I used coconut sugar. Total of 8gms of sugars. 7 begins to affect the glycemic index and I drank some nopal blend before to control the spike)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1 stevia packet (or 1 more tablespoon sugar)
  • 1 tablespoon coconut oil or vegetable oil
  • 3 tablespoons milk of choice (I used almond milk)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
Directions:
Combine dry ingredients and mix very, very well. Add liquid, stir, then transfer to a little dish, ramekin, or even a coffee mug. Microwave 30-40 seconds. If you don’t want to eat it straight out of the dish, be sure to spray your dish first (and then wait for it to cool before trying to remove it).

For frosting I didn’t use her recipe.  Click Chocolate Covered Katie’s link if you want it. It was the same coconut butter base though.

I used coconut butter, stevia, and soaked cashews. Okay okay, I added some agave. Sue me and take me for all I’m worth. My defense attorney will go to show this only increases the number of cacti varieties I ate in one sitting and since when is eating cactus bad for you?

Coconut Cashew Frosting

  • 15 oz of Coconut Butter
  • 1/3 cup Full Fat Canned Coconut Milk – 14 oz
  • Coconut Milk (carton)
  • (Approx 1 Cup of Raw Cashews (soaked and rinsed well to remove toxins) (Kimberly disapproves of cashews)
  • Liquid Stevia
  • Agave (Optional)

Directions:

Blend in a high speed blender.  Feel it out to taste.  Simplistic directions.  I’m no kitchen expert.  

Yields:

About 20 oz. Enough for a regular cake.  Reduce portions for this tiny adorable cake and have some extra frosting dipped in strawberries.

Now excuse me, I’m going to go slurp on my green junk cause I’m actually craving some right about now…

Where is my sippy cup?

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Filed under Foodsies, Housewifing, Indulgence, Loopy Lupus, Picture of Health

Push Start

What I’ve been up to:

  • Got my official lupus diagnosis.
  • Taking Plaquenil (I finally caved, despite my fear of medication). It works so far.  Very minor side effects. Every med does at first.
  • My usual rollercoaster (up and down energies and stamina).
  • I Pinterested maniacally, and probably illegally, for a while.
  • Over it.
  • Cooking. A lot.
  • Mostly healthy.  A few typical slip ups.
  • On a 30-Day No-No Mission.  No cookies. No Pizza.  Not even healthy versions.
  • Day 10. I have withdrawal headaches and I hate people.
  • Got a Blendtech.  Green Smoothie-ing the days away. (Thank you Mom and Naner.)
  • Feeling significantly better. The medicine has decreased just about every symptom. (No hip pain. Breathing better. No facial stiffness or pain. Less inflammation. Less bloating. Peeing normal. IC improved. Absorbing nutrients better. Memory and recall improvement. Less brain fog. etc.) Still have a long way to be a normal human, considering my hair doesn’t abandon my scalp on the second month. C’mon Plaq! Let’s do this.)
  • I can do a push up again. Sweet sweet push ups! (No cardio yet).
  • Blending more stuff! Soups, hummus, non-refried beans, smoothies, milkshakes, nut butters, the cats. Anything!
  • Been able to hang out and be more reliable than usual.
  • Got a super sexy haircut from sister-in-law to make my thinning hair (autoimmune symptom) look better and stronger. Started hair, skin, and nail vitamins.
  • Husband away on business a lot, but able to spend more time with him when he’s in town.  Cause I’m getting my bounce back.
  • Wore heels on Wednesday.  Got setback.

So here I am on the couch, ignoring the little piles of chaos, telekinetically demanding the living room fix itself and failing.  I overdid it this week.  But I’m content. So content the way things are going.  Feels like new beginnings. This medicine gives me just enough energy and freedom to make the meals I need to stay healthy and keep the cycle going.  Healthy food: more energy and detoxing.  It controls my stress and ease  mental awareness so that I don’t end up eating a cupcake every time I stress, which was not rare at all.  My house is neater.  Husband looks more relaxed.  Yes, the quality of life has improved and has potential to improve more if I keep on drinking my spinach every morning.  If the anti-malarial pill works (doctors don’t even know how exactly it works, go figure), I may even be able to get back out in the sun more, cause I’m gettin pasty.  I don’t even look Spanish anymore. Except my nose. Today I ache quite a bit as I mentioned, because of shoes.  If you’re a woman, you know this problem well.  My legs and muscles get all weird and don’t heal if the perfect storm of conditions doesn’t materialize for me to wear cute shoes for more than one hour.  I was rocking my hair cut and let my confidence get cocky. Gotta keep her in check.

I’ve been wanting to share all the awesome links and recipes I’ve been trying out but I’ve opted to use my recent health for activity.  Since I’m down for the night, I might as well spend my active rest giving you links to explore.  The recipes are gluten free and mostly vegan. They are so easy they verge on lazy.

Detox Breakfast Everyday: Glowing Green Smoothie

I follow her recipe to taste and add avocado for creaminess. I buy local, not necessarily organic. If husband drinks too, we add whatever fruit necessary to satisfy an American ADHD kid.

Protein bread!: Paleo Pumpkin Bread

Coconut butter, (cashews optional), coconut milk, agave, stevia, and vanilla make an mean frosting and voila: Cake!

Ditto: Pumpkin Banana Bread

I turned regular almonds into flour. Not blanched like she says. I'm cheap. And easy.

Creamy Comfort food: Roasted Butternut Squash Lime and Coconut 

Add a bit of curry and cinnamon.

Way to screw with Picky Eaters and Children:  South Beach Surprise Mashed Potatoes (I use almond milk and organic Earth Balance).

It's Cauliflower...Shhh!

Having about one a day, still losing weight: Cake Batter Milkshake  (No sprinkles for Bubble Girl).

I use refrigerated organic full fat coconut milk. I guess lite would work too. I'm not curious to find out.

Next Experiment…this one is first when my Cookie privileges are redeemed: Cookie Dough in a Bowl

(No visuals here.  Pictures may induce seizures… like a junkie whore).

My friend, also wedding photographer’s wife and now student of photography herself, has a spankin new blog.  I was supposed to share a while back, but I was hibernating:  Tired Yet Inspired

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Filed under Foodsies, Housewifing, Indulgence, Loopy Lupus, Picture of Health