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I’m staying home from work today.  I feel like P. Diddy.  I brused my teeth with a bottle of Jack.  So long as I’m going to be drunk in the mornings, I might as well take up drinking, eh?  Alcohol will kill whatever I got.

My head and eyes are swollen and my brain can only be described as having some activity on the seismic scale.  When I walk it feels like my body parts are not communicating with each other.  I’m going back to sleep after breaking my fast and watching Dr. Oz (which is not my cup of tea). I swear I’m going to lose all the Oprah and Oz fans if I come clean on my view of them.  I kid, Oz isn’t so bad…  Oprah is.

Usually, I scramble and search for the point in time where I went wrong to set off severe symptoms.  I’m trying to learn not to blame myself for something I did, I ate, I took, and later ended up knocked down.  I can’t prevent from causing every single flare no matter how much money I spend on organic food, how many pee-tasting potions I drink, or how much I deny my cats hugs and kisses (mildly allergic).  Buuut I’m stubborn and still chastise myself when I ‘think’ I know what I did.  Still beating my self up for the Vicodin I took yesterday.

My husband knows more about painkillers and medicines than half the doctors that are getting shut down in Florida do.  He warned me and was adorably vigilant in the way I took them.  I took them as needed, and only half.  But after taking them awhile, their effectiveness wears off and the moods begin to wobble.  I was desperate yesterday. I’ve read that Lupsters end up paying hard if they don’t manage stress and sleep like handling a Faberge egg. I haven’t slept well in 3 days (out of discomfort and/or missing my ‘body pillow’), was in pain, and tried to re-do the spare room without help, but I knew I had to make it to work today. Mmm hmm. Not gonna happen.  Being knocked out by the pill sure lessened the morning pain, I woke up okay in that department.  But I woke up sad and crying.  For no reason.  Watching Dr. Oz here on the screen, he would say that my dreams were subconsciously telling me there is something wrong in my life.  Ya think?  But he would need to be given the proper intel: narcs change your brain chemistry, Doc. Simple.

Once I called in sick, after much deliberation and harassing my sister via text and leaving Husband messages for when he wakes up in Miami about how I wanna make that money to get a food processor and need to be at work and the world was going to fall apart if I didn’t go assist administratively, it was like I finally had that cosmo and I relaxed.  My body is tired and stressed.  And for someone who has an inflammation and an oxidative stress disease, I’m attending my full-time job way too much.

I continue beating myself up and telling myself I need to save my time off for the chiropractor, for the rheumy doc, and maybe indulge the idea that I can take a real vacation day soon.  Trying to reason with yourself when your brain ironically would rather sing Ke$ha songs to protect you from hurting yourself… is not a good idea.  Take that dollar-sign from the universe and stay home.  Don’t I always say pay attention to your body?  I’m the first to admit I that taking your own advice is harder than pooping with someone standing outside the door.

The benefit of today: I had a real breakfast.  I ditched Quaker for a new man, Bob’s Red Mill Rolled Oats that all these hippies are talking about.  Quaker has never claimed to be gluten-free and there’s risk of cross-contamination.  And yes, they we’re much fresher tasting and yummier than the processed ones.  Soymilk, a monkey-sized banana, blueberries, and  quarter-sized dollop of peanut butter.

So, here’s what I was working on writing last night before my brain started to party in its skull:

This draft was supposed to be an I CANT HAVE PIZZA rant.  By the time I’m ready to post it, the winds of food have changed.  Brownies are too sweet, fast food seems so plastic-y, and I put the ice cream right back in the freezer after having two sorry spoonfuls.  I don’t even know who I am anymore, but I’m crushing on this new mysterious stranger.  This detox may kick my a$$ energy0wise, but the progression is noted.   I feel cleaner.  My appetite is not dangerous anymore, I’m desire healthier things, I don’t want to kill people who eat a slice in front of me.  Well, yes.  I still do.  But I didn’t know I had accepted my situation until today (that was yesterday).  Three recent things have happened:

Number 1: I walked into a Taco Bell and didn’t long for the gastric caress of a grilled stuff burrito (I went to get tickets to Nuclear Cowboyz, not a Chalupa).  The smell of crumbled mystery meat simmering in grizzle didn’t appeal to me.  I stopped to identify what was the longing sensation I was feeling: It was the emotional connection of being stuffed and indulged once I’ve gobbled the burrito without ever tasting it.  It was the immediate satisfaction.  Two weeks ago, I would’ve caved and ate it in front of my cats making them promise not to tell my husband.

Number 2: For lunch I found myself eating an apple, a handful of blueberries, roasted edamame, hummus, and celery sticks, and felt very satisfied and proud.

Number 3: I found this website http://hungryhungryhippie.com/. Please also see the Favourite Links page for the other website I added as well.  My life is about to change.  Now I’m sure this great lady doesn’t want to be put on a pedestal and I won’t, but I find her fantastic.  With so many diet restrictions,  I haven’t found a flexible, easy diet (because I get fatigued too fast when I make complicated and long meals) that makes palatable sense to me other than a macro diet, and the answer to that is: yea right!  I’m hungry and always will be.  Her diet matches my diet.  It’s interesting, versatile, and crunchy.  I have been perusing (that word is  so pretentious for wannabe writers) her website for two days now and couldn’t wait for the weekend to start trying some of her ideas.

For dinner I had leftover brown rice, threw a butternut squash in the oven, and mashed half a little hass avocado all folded in with the rice like sour cream.  And oh.my.god!  Food-gasm!  First I’ve had in a long time since I’ve been banned from what-we-consider regular food.  I made yummy noises that I shouldn’t be making when Husband is out of town.  Chelios and Mishka were terrified.

It's a celly pic, so pardon the quality.

Detox process is in full gear.  I am not craving crap anymore.  Or veggies that kick me around.  I’m not lactose intolerant but out of my own free will, I kicked the dairy habit.  Cheese naturally produces morphine and opiates after all; why do you think we GOTTA HAVE it on everything?

More mini updates:

  • I’ve had to drop the green tea.  Too twitchy, even though on low caffeine.  Slso acidity rate was becoming obvious, tummy burns.  It helped with inflammation immensely though, so that sucks.  Sticking to ginger tea and might try Turmeric tea.
  • That celery juice…added pure aloe vera, cinnamon and ginger to the blender. Bellisimo!
  • I now need a tofu press and a more fierce and bigger food processor that’ll whip foods hiney, literally and figuratively.  Eating completely different requires change in thinking, budgeting, and accessories.  I wish it required a new wardrobe too.

So, I’ve had friends offer to cook for me only to find out that they have no idea what to make, even if they’re willing to change up their menu.  Another conundrum was the first time I rattled off the list of things I couldn’t eat to my sister so she can cook for me when I visit her back home.  She waited for me to shut my gluten-free no-pie hole and rightfully asked: “Well, what CAN you eat?”.  (Also coming to posts near you)

Here is an example of my green-light foods, I’m on a rotating diet of  (all foods must be organic or at least whole, artificial,dye, and preservative free)

  • Lentils (mine and Husband’s fav)
  • Brown Rice
  • Jasmine rice
  • Black Beans
  • Eggs (I’m doing Egglands best, but intend to switch to organic, range-free, from the farms where they don’t kill the irrelevant male chicks 😦 )
  • Tortillas (Salvadorian style)
  • Salmon
  • Non-spicy spices
  • All herbs
  • Corn Cereal
  • Rice Crackers
  • Rice Cake
  • Hummus
  • Peanut Butter
  • Almond butter
  • Apples
  • All kinds of berries
  • Bananas
  • Avocado
  • Asparagus
  • Broccoli (I don’t care for cooking broccoli. Stinks.)
  • Watermelon
  • Celery
  • Carrot (sticks)
  • Cucumber
  • Onion
  • Soups w/o strong spices
  • Occasional Grass fed turkey or chicken (hardly ever, don’t care for the taste of dead animals)
  • Occasional Greek non-fat yogurt or white cheeses

Just added to my list:

  • Butternut squash… where have you been all my life?

It sounds boring to someone accustomed to a different diet, but I’m not bored by it.  I love it.  And when you can’t just go out and pick up a burger, you get really creative mixing and matching.  Recipes and pictures will write themselves eventually.  This week has sucked for energy and activity so when I feel whole again, I’ll share how I’ve been managing to cook lately.

(Drastic conclusion cut-off.)

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Filed under Foodsies, Housewifing, Loopy Lupus, Under the Weather

Ands, Ifs, and Butts.

My aim is to post every day. Something new and interesting; and realistically, sometimes boring and incoherent. And it would even make sense if I chose to adhere only to business days, excluding the weekends.  I reckon there might even come a time where I can’t post for a week or so because that’s life in all its realistic glory.  But as I’ve mentioned before, I do work full time, have a home to keep up, and I do have a crippling disease*.

*This is me: milkin it.

Being chronically ill, I get get-out-of-jail free cards.  As exciting as being in prison might (free cable, free meals, free health care, free college education), no one wants to have to need the freebie cards (except narcissists, and that’s a topic for a day of exceptionally high tolerance).  I would give my arm tit to have my health back, but as long as I have a debilitating tribulation in front of me, behind me, and nagging all around me, I’m going to find – not the positive aspects (I think it’s unnatural and cheap cognitive dissonance to say there is anything positive about having an illness)- but the ‘beneficial’ aspects.  The pros.  Because there are some.

This weekend, I had a few epiphanous moments where I realized I have a new power.   It could be used for the sheer goodness of truth.  Or for a very practical evil. Mwahahaha.

Yes, there will be plenty of exaggeration and exploiting of delicate situations here. Don’t get soft of me.

And just cause I don’t look sick, doesn’t mean I’m not feeling bad, so if you ever catch yourself wondering if I’m really experiencing shortness of breath or  jumping on a trampoline while you phone me on the celly, you’ll just have to take my word for it.  But how will you ever know? You just won’t. Insert mischievous grin here.

(All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. The purpose of this piece is solely to entertain.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)

-To the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles who dispenses handicapped parking.  (I don’t know if I’m eligible but I really want one.):

“The doctor said my knees need maximized rest or it’ll aggravate the inflammation.”  Whispering to self, “And the closer I park to Sephora, the more chances I have of cleaning them out of their limited edition color pallets.”

-To friends on theme nights:

“I would love to dress up as Chewbacca to complete your cast, but to be honest, that nylon material will break me out in hives.”

-The invitees who want you to bring that signature dish that you can’t even eat:

“Nothing will make me more happy than bringing that 14-layer-dip that I always slave over for your parties, but I don’t know what’s up with the weather because my knuckles are like glass today.”

-To the ones who are STILL freakishly enthusiastic about the Electric Slide:

“No excitement allowed. Doctor’s orders.”

-Another purse,  jewelry, or tupperware party:

“I’m pretty sure I’m severely allergic to (cows)(precious stones)(colorful lids)(pick your own, be creative).  It’s best to be preventative.”

-When volunteers are called to help with after-event cleaning (this exception is actually increasingly true):

“All my limbs are on fire right now, but I will be more than glad to help you supervise the other laborers to make sure they’re not slacking!”

-To the bar buddies who insist you race them at Irish Car Bombs:

“It’s just be embarrassing for me to smoke you.  Anyway, I ended up in the hospital last time I beat the record.”

-To bosses expecting you to be highly ambitious about raising the bar, no matter what pay grade:

“Brain Fog. Go ahead, check WebMD.”

– To the husband:

Oh honey, not tonight. My hips are feeling a bit wonky.  (I was talking about moving the furniture around. Get your head out of the gutter!)

The truth of the matter is, I’m exhausted and have been longing bedtime since the moment my alarm blasted my eardrum off this morning.  I’m not a victim, we all have nights where we don’t regenerate new brain cells.  Thankfully, I had enough stamina to make dinner and for this I am grateful, because a lack of preparation when avoiding gluten means I had rice cakes for lunch.  It was either that, or zonking out at my desk.  Husband is back in town and probably more depleted than I am, but he’s helping with the cat litter, and other things that I would usually prefer to take care of, so he is Prince Charming tonight.

In regards to blogging, I’ve had a lot of scattered ideas and have saved many unfinished blog entries as drafts, hoping that my energy picks up sometime this week before its over, that I may wrap them up with a bow.  I had set out to write everyday because I truly do have many ideas, but damn this conflicting skeleton and its mushy contents, it’s resisting.

Some entries in the making:

– More helpful books for a nice, chemical-free home for the women who hate to clean but still prioritize cleanliness (I wouldn’t hate it if it didn’t wipe me out.  It’s quite the stress relief method).

-Two wonderful exercise regimes that will lift any butt and lengthen all arms for women who need to stay in line and hate exercise.  More importantly keep your blood flowing, brain active, and organs pumping.  (I miss the gym terribly but it is not an option right now, however, it is necessary find a way to move and claim body parts before gravity does.)

-How I feared becoming my Central American mother only to find that I absorbed many of her most useful (yet frightening) housewifing skills, extreme frugality, and basic recipes.  That has pretty much set the tone for me and Husband, aiding us in our beginning, my new-found food sensitivities, and the age old Mars vs. Venus dilemmas. It will include some of her recipes that have made dinnertime a delicious breeze. Mommas are amazing creatures. I will never be an amazing creature. Haha, Get it?

-Another page with detailed descriptions of the best blogs out there for a simpleton girl, trying to be a lady, a temptress, a savvy housewife, a friend, a sister, a little bit wiser and more accepting, more balanced, and just as ridiculous.

-The holistic treatment that is slowly, but surely helping me fight and control the wolf disease.

-One of my favorite cake recipes, modified. Because living without cake is not okay.

For tonight, I accept defeat and will use any remaining energies on tidying up the kitchen to a tolerable condition and get ready for early bed to make spoons.


Filed under Housewifing, Random, Under the Weather